I haven't felt well these past few days, so this morning I woke up already crabby and tired. I went in Mallory's and Eliza's room and told them to get dressed, and I went to take a shower. I came back 20 minutes later to find Mallory naked and playing with herself while Eliza laid on the floor crying because her (adjustable) shoes were too tight. Clearly, neither of them were even remotely close to being ready for school. I've been trying really hard not to yell or lose my patience, so I calmly told Mallory to get her hands off her crotch and get her clothes on, then I helped Eliza loosen the Velcro straps on her shoes. But you can already see why sometimes I flip out, huh?
Next, we let the dog out, forgetting the back gate was open from Brian and me moving appliances last night. So I got to chase Porkchop around the neighborhood for ten minutes before she decided to take me up on my "get in the house and I'll give you a milk bone" offer. She is 11 years old and rarely gets off the couch, but apparently this morning she felt like a freaking spring chicken.
Finally, in my last step before leaving for school, I woke up Jules, who decided she didn't want to get dressed. I had to sit on her. It's just a cruel joke when your children are 2 and already over half the size of you. I think I put the same pair of pants on 14 times before she stopped immediately removing them. I *might* have already broken my no yelling rule. Then she didn't want to put her coat on and get in the car and kept running and hiding.
I think we were at least 5-6 minutes late for kindergarten. Who really knows at that point? All promptness had gone out the window, along with any sanity I had left. After I dropped the oldest 2 off, Jules and I went to Kroger to pick up just a few things like milk and bananas and return some Annie's frozen pizza bites that I purchased through Click List last week that had expired ONE YEAR AGO. As if that wasn't bad enough, they somehow rang it up two more times and acted like I was obnoxious when I pointed it out. So now I've paid $18 for one pack of rotten pizza bites, and you don't see a problem with that? 🤔😳 They claimed they couldn't help me at the register, so I had to go back to customer service (where I had just come from) to get my money back. I'm shopping with a two year old...yes, I would LOVE to wait in line some more.
When I got home with the groceries, my sister texted and said her cat needed to go to the vet because he was having trouble breathing. I've had to take two dogs and two kids to the vet before, so I felt really bad for her and said I would watch my niece while she went.
Skylar is just six months older than Jules. So I took TWO 2 year olds with me to go pick up a three year old from school. I don't know what I was thinking. I made my mom come meet me at school so I didn't have to drag them all in, and we got lunch and ate it at the new house. Then we went back to the school to get Mallory.
Other than a few times we had to tell them to sit down and eat their lunch, they were all three shockingly good. I was suspicious. As I should have been.
We got back home, and instantaneously all hell broke loose. By hell, I mean urine and shit. Eliza refused to pee after school, so while she was playing, she accidentally let loose about four gallons of urine in the living room. Not only that, but she was kind enough to walk, while urinating, from one side of the room to the other, so not only were her pants and brand new shoes full of urine, but so was Brian's Grandma's carpet.
I didn't even know where to start, so while I wasted a good ten minutes standing there trying to process what had just happened, Jules crapped her diaper. I threw Eliza in the tub, then had to chase Jules again, while she yelled, "Noooo! There's no poop in there! There's toots in there!" While I sat on her to change her, I put her dirty diaper on the floor next to me and piled a few used baby wipes on top of it. Sky comes running through the room, trips over the poopy diaper, and slides on a used wipe several feet before I catch her. Thankfully, the wipe she skateboarded on saved her cute little Hello Kitty shoes from being destroyed by a pile of feces.
I wiped off Sky's shoe for good measure, and then I still smelled poop. To my horror, I realized Sky now has a diaper full of turds too. Of course she does. I still had one urine soaked kid in the tub, a sack full of poop on my floor, and a whole living room that smelled like a landfill. What's one more pile of shit? I got Sky cleaned up too and threw the ginormous sack of poop in the outside trash, just in time for my sister to pull up and take her home.
And now it's dinner time. Everyone is quietly watching Mickey Mouse, and there is no dinner cooking because I am afraid to jinx it. I can't even imagine what dinner and bedtime has in store for me. Only a mom of tiny children knows how many things can go wrong with a box of Trolls mac & cheese and a bubble bath. You girls get me, right? 😉
They may be full of urine and shit, but I mean aren't they just the cutest little things ever? I have three of the most precious, disgusting little valentines, plus adorable nieces and a teenage nephew who would die if I called him sweet or cute.
Please enjoy these pics of my favorite kids. And if you've ever had a day like this, please leave me a comment because I'd love to hear about it and laugh with you...or at you. Misery loves company! 🤣
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