Random Texts
Done crapped in my wiener dog PJ's.
You're the only one not playing. We are like the cool kids and you're the kid we will beat up and steal your lunch.
Sounds like it's getting longer.
That's what she said.
At least u r putting it to good use.
That's what she said.
I knew that was coming.
That's what she said...this is like taking candy from a baby.
This video on blackboard says u can choose large or larger.
Both sound like winners to me.
Oh wait...Christy is from Harlan. They don't teach them how to read there.
No, just how to make meth.
She would rather crap her brains out than be at eCampus...
Is Brian coming?
No, he has to pack.
He probably just wants to watch the game in peace.
My grandmother has been really sick.
Oh I thought your mom just called to tell u about her tacking.
Yanking.
Yacking.
Jesus.
I like babies!
You only like babies because you don't have one.
What's everyone doing?
Pooping.
Sounds lovely.
Lunchtime
I'll be sure to go home and forward you my nudie pics.
You get one off your tit and the last thing you want is another one on your shit!
I am seriously already eat-my-own-arm-off hungry! How is that possible when I had a strawberry smoothie and fiber bar for breakfast?!?!
Because that's not real food?
Your husband is a creepy Mexican perv.
And mine is an unobservant turd.
If vaginas didn't gross me out even more than penises I'd be a lesbian.
I'm pretty offended they thought I was pregnant. I mean, I've gained 10 pounds since I got married, but come on!
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and have sex with your husband...even if you don't like him.
All the babies I take care of can smell my breast milk and they try to eat me.
Is that like a dog when you're on your period?
More Fun Times
I don't know what you mean. I am always child friendly and appropriate. And so are my tits.
Me: How did things go this morning?
Brian: Good except I was late for work.
Me: Why? What happened?
Brian: It took Mallory 25 minutes to eat a biscuit.
That baby has a floppy penis growing on its face.
That was one hairy b*tch.
If you have an 18 month old, a 9 month old, and a newborn...you might be a redneck.
Stolen from a status update: My friend's little boy had a hamster. It just died. His Memaw came over with some groceries and he informed her it died. She liked it and was kinda upset. She said "oh no I just bought her snacks at the grocery." He told her, "Well you wasted your money."
