I've kept a mental list for years of Zaine's witty comments, and I decided to start keeping track of everyone else's too. Some sh*t is simply too funny to forget.
Here are my favorite moments from this year (and two older ones that still crack me up):
At Zaxby's -
Me: Can I get a Kiddie Meal with a Sprite to drink?
Zaine: NOOOO Auntie Erin! I don't want a KITTY Meal, I want a grilled cheese.
Brian (upon finding my pregnancy test on the counter): Is this a new thermometer?
Me: Why don't you stick it in your mouth and find out honey?
Christy: I smell Mexican food.
Me: Um, we're at Local Taco.
Brian: I'm tired of waking up to these old ladies every morning.
Me: The Golden Girls?
Brian: No, I meant you.
My mom (referring to Mallory's Halloween headband): What is that supposed to be?
Me: A pumpkin.
My mom: It looks like a dog's wiener.
My preceptor: Are you passing gas?
Our patient: Yep, and they're cat farts.
Preceptor: What's a cat fart?
Patient: You know, the kind that comes out your cat.
Preceptor: Too much information.
Me (coming home and finding Mallory's changing table ripped up): What happened!?
Brian: Casualty of war.
Brian (Five minutes into Mallory's favorite show, Blue's Clues): I can't watch this sh*t.
Me: Get me french onion soup with a wheat baguette.
Brian: Can't you order something I can pronounce?
Me: You can't say baguette?
Brian: I can say 'give me some f***ing wheat bread.'
I had a poo that looked like a dolphin tail once.
Hoes usually do have the great shoes.
I hate it when we go to CB--can't ever decide if I want breakfast or lunch.
When do u go to Central Baptist? Oh. You mean Cracker barrel.
Yes we frequently eat breakfast at Central Baptist.
I need crack.
No I think less crack would be better.
She doesn't really hang out with anyone.
Is that because no one likes her?
I could send but not receive. Isn't that the story of most girls lives?
Omg this twilight movie shows boobs !!!!!!!
They did show heaving boobies.
Speaking of ass, there was a HESI question where to give the ventrogluteal injections and it had an ass pic. You had to select where to stick the needle. It was a hot ass too. I wanted to smack it.
I'm not surprised so many guys fail OB. Most of them couldn't find their way around a who-ha to save their lives.
Lauren's knocked up that's why she is getting boobalicious.
The underwear I have on today keep giving me camel toe.
You were buying toys for kids while I was attempting suicide.
Get all gangsta on my ass if need be.
Kaplan makes me poop. I think I just lost 5 pounds.
Today I was out of clean underwear. My only option was a pair of Pepto pink Hanes briefs that I stole from my mother last time I was out of clean underwear. I have to fold them down three times to avoid my belly button.
I think I have poop in my hair.
I cannot imagine christy packing a glock.
Ew. Did u seriously just talk about my dads ham?
Holiday Fun
Careful how much you drink. You may end up like I did one year, serving your family iced Gingerporn instead of angels and snowmen.
All five of the liquor stores we passed have been packed--- proof everyone else hates their families too.
It's like a cross between Christmas Vacation & The Family Stone.
My aunt is currently talking about trimming her bush this morning.
Yeah after we cussed each other out, we are good now.
Oh you were right about my mental instability tonight.
Put a bow on your cooch.
2011 was a great year.
