I know that is shocking. I am almost never wrong.
This time, I was so wrong it was ridiculous. It took my husband to point it out before I would even consider the possibility. And then it took his point being proven before I would believe it.
I didn't think being a parent would be THAT hard. I have babysat many babies overnight, including my niece, nephew, and both my younger cousins. Zaine (nephew) was the EASIEST baby in the world. I could lay him down on the floor and he'd watch movies with me until we both fell asleep. Then when he entered toddler age...still easy. I'd fill him up with a few pop-tarts & a beer and off to sleep he would go.
I am totally kidding about the pop tarts.
Mallory has been different than all four of these kids. She is easily bored, doesn't believe in naps, and she has known what she wants and when she wants it since she was born. If she doesn't get whatever she wants, when and where, there is hell to pay.
From the time I became pregnant until recently, I read so many articles about attachment parenting (AP)-mostly from Dr. Sears-including baby wearing, breastfeeding, and cosleeping or bedsharing. I was convinced all of this was the way to go. Mallory and I both enjoy nursing and we love the baby wearing...however the bedsharing was a TERRIBLE idea for us.
For the first 4.5 months, she slept in a travel bed next to our bed. She slept great in it, never woke up when I laid her down, and it was easy to nurse her and go right back to sleep.When she got old enough to roll over and try to escape, I tried to put her in the pack 'n play instead. From day one, she hated that thing. She would feel me lower her into it and stiffen up, opening her eyes immediately. As soon as she touched the pack 'n play, she would pop back up like one of those damn jack in the box toys. If she did go to sleep, it was after several minutes of fussing and me trying to shove a binky in her screaming mouth while my back about gave out from leaning over the stupid play pen.
In order to get some sleep, I started letting her nurse and then stay in the bed with us. This is where everything went wrong. Dr. Sears said it's a great thing for babies to share beds with parents. And he also said if you're nursing, it makes it all sooooo much easier because everyone gets more rest. Blah Blah Blah...I am sorry to say this Dr. Sears, but this idea sucks.
She tossed, she turned, she moaned. She kicked me in the bladder so many times, I am sure I peed in the bed a little some nights. Brian and I both had stiff necks because we were terrified to move in case we rolled on her. Did I mention that at 8 months, this child was HALF the length I am?! That's a lot of leg flailing around.
Finally, Brian told me he thought we were doing something wrong. I disagreed. I didn't want to think that the entire set of parenting skills I had subscribed to were "wrong."
After I thought about it a few days, I realized that while some things were working for us (baby wearing and nursing), bedsharing was definitely not. While I did not want to move her to her crib and hear her cry, I had to face the fact that all of us were so exhausted we looked like we could play a role in "Night of the Living Dead." She spent a good portion of the day throwing fits and rubbing her eyes. I was cranky and could barely control my emotions.
When I counted up the times she had eaten the night before, I realized it was an average of about every 90 minutes. If boobies were cookies, she would be the Cookie Monster. Brian was right, this had to stop. She was ruling the household. At almost 9 months, I would not deny her one meal overnight if she needed it, but this was too much.
I wanted to try some "no-cry" strategies first, but she wasn't interested in those strategies. When I tried to soothe her, as the sleep experts termed it, she went ballistic. She would arch her back, scream, hit me in the face...anything to get me to put her down. Then when I put her down, she'd scream. Yep, that was real soothing. Nothing made this child happy! If I stood there with her, she would go to sleep. As soon as I walked off, more screaming. She was not learning to go to sleep this way. I would stand at her pack 'n play almost all night. It was then I knew she needed to go to her crib.
I decided to read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby" by Marc Weissbluth. I also got some advice from some great friends (thanks to Jennifer L., Jennifer S., Erin M., and Megan K.). With the book, advice, and a game plan, we were prepared for a long week of yelling and soothing and more yelling.
But then a crazy thing happened. We had a little yelling, but mostly sleep! Are you kidding me? All this time, I thought I was doing this awesome thing for her, letting her sleep with Mommy and nurse all night. All she wanted was to be comfy and stretched out in her own bed?!?
The first two nights, she did wake up three times. She went back to sleep pretty quickly each time. We found that the soothing went better if Daddy did it. He would go in after 5 minutes, then again after 10, then after 15. She really didn't even make it to the 15. When Mommy went in, she would get pissed off. Apparently, Mommy is only good for her hooters. When I failed to whip them out, she would turn into that kid from the Exorcist. She did everything but spin her head around backwards.
On the third night, we took shifts and prepared for her usual three awakenings. Much to my surprise, there were NONE. She slept 8 to 7. I awoke at least 7 times worrying something was wrong with her. It took every bit of my self control not to run into her room and check on her. The next morning, I heard her "talking" over the monitor saying her usual Dada, Mama, Boobah (yes that means what you think it does, lol). I ran in to pick her up because I missed her so much for that 11 hours, and she was up on all fours in her crib smiling away.
The two nights that followed were each a complete success (sleeping without waking from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and no yelling when laid down for the night). I don't like being wrong, but I have to admit that this sleeping arrangement is a million times better for everyone involved. She is MUCH happier and more cooperative during the day. The best part is, Mommy can finally do things I want to do at night...like take a shower, watch tv, and play Bubble Blast on my new iPhone.
I am not going to tell Brian I was wrong because that is just not my style, but in case he is reading this: honey, I am sorry I dismissed your concerns. It won't happen again. Me being wrong that is. :)
I have been reading damnyouautocorrect.com long before I got an iPhone. I always thought that, while hilarious, these things were so fake.
